SMART CHAIR

Dreamers in Seattle and Silicon Valley have revolutionized the way you sit. Say goodbye to analog furniture. Say hello to the smart chair.

Microsoft’s first product in the smart chair space is called Microsoft Chair 365. It is a lot like their earlier product, Chair. Unlike Chair, however, Microsoft Chair 365 is a subscription service that is best used online. While offline sitting is permitted for short periods, Microsoft Chair 365 must be connected to the internet at least once every thirty (30) days, or it will dematerialize.

Facebook has entered the smart chair fray with Facebook Chair, now available as a standalone app through Google Play and the iOS App Store. Smart chair enthusiasts will be happy to know that Facebook Chair is free to download and free to use. While you sit, the Facebook Chair app surreptitiously measures the dimensions of your house. It will also learn what kind of pants you wear and link that information to your credit card history.

The most anticipated smart chair of last year was Apple’s iChair. Can it live up to the hype? Available in Silver, Space Gray, and Chartreuse Lily, the iChair is the most cosmetically impressive and unaffordable entry in the smart chair market thus far. Critics allege that iChair is slow to recline and that its wood splinters easily. But replacement iChair parts are available for purchase starting at only $639.99, or less with a Protection Plan from Apple iChair Care.

With over $750 million in revenue last year, Google Smart Chair is the clear leader in the digital chair market. Key to its success was the decision to introduce the chair into Google’s existing ecosystem of products and services, creating a seamless user experience that is impossible to escape from. Google Smart Chair is governed by the Google Smart Chair Terms of Service, an impenetrable soporific whose contents you inadvertently agreed to when, out of curiosity, you signed up for a Google+ account in 2011. Failure to adhere to the Google Smart Chair Terms of Service will result in Google disabling features of your Google Smart Chair remotely.

The newest competitor in the bustling smart chair space is Amazon. Ending months of speculation, Amazon announced Monday it is preparing to launch its own online furniture distribution service. Amazon Smart Chair Prime will be available Q3 2019 exclusively to the U.S. Department of Defense.